Amazing Conversations With Anyone - Part Two

Use this mindset to turn dread into art

This is part two of my two-part series “Amazing Conversation with Anyone.”

In Part One, I wrote about how understanding and “changing the game” can turn doing something you loathe into something you love. Game-changing was solution #1 to my social anxiety. I went from being a small-talk survivor to a problem solver, to a very good conversationalist.

Today I will write about solution #2.

You’ll not regret reading this.

Sometimes, one piece of advice shines through the mountain of others

An Unforgettable Piece of Advice

Are you overwhelmed by all the information and advice you receive on social media, newsletters, books, articles, and TED talks? “Do these ten things and you’ll have an amazing career.” “Twenty places you must visit before you die.” “Millionaires don’t miss out on these five tax escapes.”

Every piece of advice is research-based, everything sounds life-changing. You get a self-help sensory overload. In the end, all you can remember is turning on Netflix, watching Squid Game, and eating a bag of chips whose ingredient list sounds like DIY chemical weapons.

As an avid audiobook/podcast listener, I too face this dilemma: take action on all these tips I hear daily, or just ignore them?

But occasionally, you hear one piece of advice, one tip, one gem that shines through the clouds and pierces the noise. It shakes you to your core, penetrates your DNA, and makes it impossible to forget. Afterward, you apply that lens to everything you see and do, and suddenly you discover a whole new world.

I recently received this piece of advice.

It not only took my conversation skills to another level, but also provided a way for me to excel at everything. It completely changed my way of interacting with people, treating work, speaking in public, writing, and… literally everything.

That piece of advice is called Ichigo Ichie (一期一会). I’m here to share it with you.

One encounter, one opportunity

Ichigo Ichie

I heard this concept from my good friend Mark Fujiwara, who started a mastermind group based on the book with the same name.

It’s a Zen Buddhism concept that translates to “one time, one meeting” or “one opportunity, one encounter.” It means every time you meet someone, you are going through an unrepeatable experience. You might not meet that person again in your life. You should give your full attention, gratitude, and appreciation to that encounter and conversation.

When I first heard it, I thought, yeah yeah, it sounds serious and cool. It’s Japanese. What do you expect?

[Tangent] What I admire most about Japanese people is their unique ability and cultural conviction to make the most uncool actions cool. Things like drinking tea, near-naked fat people wrestling, taking baths in public, eating raw fish, and in this case, talking to people. Anywhere else in the world, these activities would be seen as either boring or uncouth. But in Japan, they infuse so much history, culture, and detail into them that they become not only cool but cultural crown jewels. [/tangent]

It wasn’t until I physically went to Japan and had this encounter that I realized its power.

Japan is the land where everything uncool becomes cool.

An Encounter to Remember

Two months ago, I went to Lake Kawaguchi, a remote area of Japan, for nearly a month to write my upcoming book. During the day, I would be writing by the lake alone. At night, I would be eating at local restaurants, alone. As an introvert, that’s all I ever wanted and needed.

But one night, I stumbled into a local restaurant called High Spirits. It was an izakaya-style restaurant, meaning you eat at a bar. On the other side was the chef, taking your orders, cooking your food, and chatting with you. I sat down and asked the chef a question in English, expecting minimal communication—enough to make sure he knew I wanted egg sushi, not eggplant.

What really surprised me was that he replied in perfect English, with barely a noticeable accent. Not only that, he was sarcastically funny, knowledgeable, and curious. Quickly, we both discovered each other’s history, quirks, and aspirations.

In that moment, it dawned on me that I was having an Ichigo Ichie moment. I had nothing to sell him or incentive to impress him, and the same for him with me. We were just two people talking. Fate had brought us together, and we might never meet again in our lives.

I wanted to make this conversation as amazing, as memorable, and as artistic as possible.

So I went all in. We talked about history, politics, food, culture, and each other.

As it turned out, Tsuyoshi and I were of similar age. He spent 14 years in the United States. His love for cooking and playing music took him on a journey from LA to the Midwest to Louisiana, before finally returning to Japan. Together with his wife, he opened a foreigner-friendly restaurant in Lake Kawaguchi, feeding and entertaining guests like me.

The conversation was so memorable that Tsuyoshi and his wife invited me to join them for dinner at their favorite restaurant two days later.

Going to a restaurant with a top-level chef like Tsuyoshi is like going to a natural history museum with Yuval Noah Harari or touring the Pro-Football Hall of Fame with the late John Madden. The food Tsuyoshi ordered was not only something I’d never heard of or seen before, but something I could never forget. The salmon sushi was so tender and fresh, every bite felt like fish juice splashing onto my brain. The sautéed yellowtail was like a French kiss session with a culinary fairy. The cod steamed with sake made every swallow feel like an ecstatic disruption of my heart fibrillation. And the grilled fish sperm sacs… well, I ate it.

Tsuyoshi explained in detail how every dish was made and its history. That night, I felt I had a one-night stand with the Japanese food tradition.

Ichigo Ichie indeed.

I had two unforgettable nights of food and conversation with this couple in Japan

The Power of Making Art

This personal encounter with Tsuyoshi and his wife in a remote Japanese town taught me the essence and power of Ichigo Ichie, but also gave me the most effective tool and mindset for every conversation going forward.

Before, the introvert in me avoided, tolerated, and survived small talk with strangers because I felt chitchat was nothing more than a possible opening to something bigger. Maybe it was a potential business opportunity, maybe we could become friends, or maybe I just needed to do it to show hospitality. It was a means to an end.

But with Ichigo Ichie, these small encounters became opportunities to create art—beautiful, non-repeatable, and unpredictable compositions of conversation. Maybe they would lead to something, and maybe not. But that wasn’t my focus. I focused on deeply understanding the other person, giving and taking with every sentence, and dancing with the rhythm of every spoken word. These conversations were fun, exhilarating, and tapped into every creative cell of my brain.

The social anxiety was gone. I have become a conversation artist.

Beyond Conversations

I am a pretty extreme person when it comes to application and extrapolation, the kind of guy who, if you teach me the West Coast Offense in football, might find a way to use it in gardening skills or parenting philosophies.

So naturally, I took the spirit of Ichigo Ichie—being fully present, creative, and engaged in every encounter and opportunity—from having conversations to just about everything.

With this mindset, I go into every public speaking engagement not as a speaker but as a language craftsman, and every speech is an opportunity to co-create artwork with my audience. These moments will never be repeated, replicated, or experienced again. As a result, I became a better speaker.

For every newsletter article I write and send out, I see myself creating a piece of art with the English language. Every idea is a unique kiss to the ether, every letter is where it’s meant to be, and every whitespace is the beautiful yin to the black letters’ yang.

Now, I have the mentality of creating masterpieces in everything I do. As a result, I do everything with more passion and flow, and I get better outcomes in everything.

With the Ichigo Ichie mindset, you can turn everything into art

I don’t know what your work is. Whether you are a writer, an entrepreneur, salesperson, banker, project manager, student, etc., do you see your work as a means to an end? Is it something you tolerate every day to get a sweet reward? If so, what lies in front of you is discontent and misery, because the incessant desire for the end devalues the work itself.

But if you embrace the spirit of Ichigo Ichie, you can treat every breath you take, every move you make, and every conversation you have as a process of creation. Make art and masterpieces every day. Your life will be filled with abundance, surprises, and fulfillment. You will be a shining light to the world and those around you.

You are a creator. You are an artist. This moment and this opportunity will never be replicated again. Don’t let it slip away.