Take "Anxiety" Out of Social Anxiety
Many people rank the fear of public speaking as their #1 fear.
Well, that’s not me.
Perhaps it's because I've spent years perfecting my skills as a professional speaker, or maybe I'm simply a weirdo, but nowadays, I don't fear addressing a group of people at all. In fact, when I stood before an audience of 10,000, there was no fear, only thrill and fun.
My Biggest Fear:
However, do you know what I still fear? Engaging a group of people, one by one, without a purpose. Small talk with strangers, in fact, might be closer to the top of my fear list, which also includes:
Being trapped in a dark, narrow cave with 10,000 mosquitos
Leaving my car parked on the streets of San Francisco
Eating eggplant
You might be wondering... Aren't you the rejection guy? Why do you still have social anxiety when talking to strangers?
Here is the truth: Rejection Therapy has made me almost invincible when communicating with people for a purpose - asking for or offering help or advice, selling an idea or product, building partnerships. I’m your guy.
But small talk is different. It involves talking to a stranger without a clear objective, just to find common ground and build relationships.
And that... is scary!
Small Talks as a Superpower
Have you seen people walk into a room full of strangers, and within 30 minutes, start making friends, finding business opportunities, and arranging their next golf outing? I know people like that. Somehow they know exactly what to say, and what to do, and they make it look easy.
Being able to talk to anyone is a skill that's invaluable under any circumstance. It's like a superpower that some people have, and others don’t.
However, when you are bad at it, it can be painful.
My Current Experience:
My small talk experience usually unfolds like this:
I find myself in a room full of strangers, perhaps at a cocktail party or a church gathering. I quickly scan the room to find someone whose facial structure has the goldilocks combination of being friendly and interesting, while simultaneously avoiding direct eye contact. It's a challenging game to play. I often wish I had a computerized eye like Arnold Schwarzenegger in Terminator, providing scores of 1-10 for "interesting" and "friendliness".
I can't linger on this exercise for more than 15 seconds, or I risk appearing creepy.
OK, this guy looks decent... perhaps he's a Director of Marketing. Time’s running out. I decided to approach him.
Me: Hi, I’m Jia. What do you do?
The guy: I’m David. I’m the general counsel for the company.
(My mind: Great! I know nothing about corporate laws. And I have zero interest!)
Me: So, you ensure people don’t sue the company?
The guy: More than that. I identify legal and compliance issues in our product design and distribution. I also handle HR-related issues.
(My mind: Got it. So you make sure people don’t sue the company. I need to change the topic, quick!)
Me: Where are you based?
The guy: Topeka, Kansas.
Me: Oh cool. How’s the weather there?
The guy: It’s getting hot. The weather usually turns warm around this time of the year. But this year it’s really hot.
Me: Yeah, climate change is terrible.
(My mind: I need an earthquake or an alien invasion to rescue me from this conversation right now. I don't care if I'm caught in the crossfire. It's less painful than this small talk.)
The conversation usually continues for a few minutes as I frantically throw more questions at him, desperately trying to find something interesting to talk about. In most cases, I'm merely biding my time, looking for an excuse to end the talk without appearing rude.
Go ahead, laugh all you want. We all have our challenges. Some people can't deliver speeches in public. Some can't cook to save their lives. And I can't engage in small talk without wishing to die.
Colleen McFarland to the Rescue:
I am a firm believer in maintaining a growth mindset and taking action to overcome even my biggest weaknesses.
And this time, I have some good news! I have opened up the Sisyphi Platform to invite Colleen McFarland, a renowned expert, author, and executive coach in networking, to create a 30-day networking camp called Be Social Camp.
Based on the Be Social Method, a technique Colleen has developed and taught since 2016, the camp aims to help you set goals for networking situations, master conversational skills, develop a social mindset, and practice every day to improve.
The camp will include five components:
A Be Social self-assessment survey to help you determine which skills to focus on during the camp.
A one-hour group workshop with Colleen on Monday, July 3 at 3 PM Pacific time, where she will teach you conversation skills.
A 30-day SMS text-based accountability tool on the Sisyphi Platform, where you'll perform and report one of four actions to Colleen each day:
Meet people
Get to know people
Connect people with each other
Ask for help
Twenty short daily instructional videos developed by Colleen.
A one-hour wrap-up session with Colleen on Friday, July 28 at 3 PM Pacific Time.
Do you want to walk into a room full of strangers or sit next to someone you've never met, striking up conversations with purpose, confidence, and enjoyment? Do you want to turn casual encounters into friendships and opportunities? No more awkwardness, no more fear, no more wanting to stab yourself with a pencil.
I certainly do!
How to purchase:
There are two ways to buy the Be Social Camp:
Purchase individual camp.
Price: $100
Subscribe to the annual version of the Dare Me to Achieve Newsletter.
Price: $240.
You will have access to Be Social Camp, along with all the the Sisyphi Goal Camps for a year, all my premium courses, plus a whole lot more.
See you at the camp!