How to Turn Your Life Around
After I published my last newsletter, I received the following email from J. I get lots of emails on this subject, so I dedicated an entire post as an answer. I hope you find it helpful.
Dear Jia,
I am one of the millions that some years ago watched your TED talk in awe of your courage, humility and genuinely sincere spirit. I continued to buy your book, and even more so did I find your story compelling, riveting, inspiring and especially when during your challenge phase you got offered a really good job opportunity I believe you said from a successful businessman. At this point I gather that your life had already made that turn on its path to destiny! For all intensive purposes, the tide was turned. You had generated the initial momentum to propel you through the first couple of layers of resistance where 90% of all others stumble and remain! What was to follow was a course plotted when you didn't back down after your colleague didn't "loan" you the money of your first rejection.
I struggle so much with fear of insecurity, self doubt, self sabotage, fear of rejection, emotional worry, what others do and might think of me, living a 1% life! I have always known that I have an enormous amount of possibility in me...huge...yes like many billions probably silently believe as well...but never dare to proclaim openly and boldly. I wish I had that courage you had. I wish I had that life, not to be famous, nor to be fabulously wealthy...but to turn the tide of my life around the way you did!
Why do I feel so hopeless, held captive by none other...than me!
Please help me.
Kind regards
J
Basically, J was asking me: he feels he has so much potential. How can he turn his life around, so he can meet his destiny and become successful? How does he even get started?
Now, I don’t have a silver bullet or magic pill to make this happen. But I do have a system that I have used myself many times over the years. It is based on a lot of re-engineering of my life experience, and learning from many people I admire.
Nowadays, every time I feel down, every time I feel lost, and every time I want to give up, I go through this system, which always gives me new energy and directions.
And in the end, there will always be new challenges on the horizon. There is no one big “tide to turn” in life, but many tides, big or small. By reading this system, I hope it gives you some idea about navigating the ocean of life like a skipper of an awesome sailboat.
My system is pretty simple. It has three components. If you do these things, you will be in good shape.
1. You need to have the Burning Desire.
One of the first books I read after learning English was Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill, where he wrote, “There is nothing that belief plus a burning desire cannot make real.”
Do I entirely believe this? Hell no. You aren’t going to play soccer better than Messi, sing better than Taylor Swift, or shed gold bricks no matter how much desire or belief you have. Not all Burning Desires lead to success.
That said, all successes indeed require that Burning Desire.
Now, what’s the Burning Desire anyway? It’s the unending belief that you are meant to have an impactful life, and you will be somebody. It’s when you are lying in bed at night, looking at the ceiling of your crumbling apartment, believing that one day, you will have an amazing life, doing great work, having a loving family, and helping those around you.
That Burning Desire was my life’s vision. It carried me through all my deepest despair and darkest valleys. It was the vision that made me push through against unimaginable odds, discard opportunities that weren't aligned with that vision, and ultimately guide me to seemingly crazy but ultimately rewarding paths.
Most people want to be successful. But they only have wishes and hopes, not a Burning Desire. So they meander through life looking and searching, but very few get there.
Now, J, from your writing, it seems like you have that Burning Desire, so you already have what most people don’t. But as I mentioned, you aren’t going to achieve what you want through desire alone. More actions are required. Read on.
2. You need to find your One Thing.
Gary Keller wrote in his book - The One Thing (I am very jealous of this book title, by the way. Because I would love to have it as my next book’s title, even though we are talking about entirely different things), mentioned that most people try to do and be good at many things at the same time. They end up being mediocre at all of them. The truly successful people find their One Thing and only that thing, and they become the best at it.
You need to find that one thing in life. Whether you want to be a breathtaking painter, a world-class musician, a visionary entrepreneur, or an amazing CEO, you need to find it and focus all your work on it.
Now, where do you find your One Thing? It usually resides at the intersection of three things:
What you are good at doing (your talent)
What you enjoy doing (your passion)
What the world will pay you for it (market demand)
Or use this Venn Diagram:
If and when you find your One Thing, do that One Thing and become insanely good at it.
I’ll share some of my experiences:
Ten years ago, I was lost and miserable, so I started searching my One Thing.
I knew where my passion was: entrepreneurship.
And I knew if I did it well enough, I would make money.
But did I have the talent for it? The only way to find out was to actually do it and become an entrepreneur.
So I started.
A few years of success and failure later, it led me to my real One Thing - writing/speaking (they are close and related enough to be categorized as One Thing). It is now my focus. I try to spend all my time on my One Thing.
Now, when you find your One Thing, how do you become insanely good at it? Read on.
3. You need to take the Same Action over and over again.
In my last post: Don’t Just Do “It”, Do “This”, I wrote about the need to break down your big goal into one Same Action, and to repeatedly take that action daily for a long period of time.
Doing this can serve two purposes:
a. If you have already found your One Thing, you can take the Same Actions every day toward that goal. It’s the best way for you to improve and achieve your goal.
For example:
If you want to become an author or artist, work on your craft for three hours every day for one year.
If you want to be an entrepreneur, pitch and iterate your idea to one person per day for 30 days.
If you want to become a leader at your company, reach out to one mover-and-shaker at your company for 100 days to build the network.
In my case, when I put my focus on writing, I set my goal to write consistently, day after day, month after month, for 6 months. I wrote a lot of good stuff as well as lots of crap. But in the end, it made me a good writer… Good enough to build an online following and publish a book.
b. If you still haven’t found your One Thing yet, well, still pick an action to do every day. Make sure what you do is bold, meaningful, and uncomfortable. Doing that action will jolt you out of your current stagnant trajectory, and in many cases, help you discover your One Thing.
Some examples:
Take one cold shower every day
Talk to one stranger every day
Get up by 6AM and write every day
In my case, I made one rejection request every day for 100 days. I didn’t know where it would lead me to, but I opened myself up to a new dimension in life, a whole new world of possibilities. Eventually, it indeed let me to my One Thing.
I hope this is helpful to you, J! This is not easy, but fairly simple.
Success? Let’s get some!
PS: If you want to ask me for advice like J did, my first preference is in the comment section. If you want to write to me privately, reply to this email.
Perfect! Thank you for sharing this - it gives me a very good idea of where to begin. :)