[2 Days to Launch] I Will Reminisce When I'm Dead

[I wrote this last night]

Today is 7/12, 2 days before the official launch day of Easy Discipline (7/14). And 9 days before the end of my 100 Days to 10,000 Copies campaign.

Maya Angelou once said, “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”

I love that quote. That’s why I live the way I live, and do the things I do. I try to turn my life into a story worth writing about. And that’s why 91 days ago, I built a public wall and set out to sell 10,000 copies.

But let me also share with you my biggest fear: what if the story of my life is mediocre? What if I try hard but fail?

Well, guess what. I didn’t have to wait for that fear. The feeling is here now.

As of today, there are 2,637 confirmed copies, 7,363 short of my 10,000-copy goal.

How do you process this gap? I have two colliding thoughts:

Thought 1:

• When you accomplish only a quarter of your goal, that’s a failure.

• When you do it publicly, that’s self-inflicted humiliation.

• When you are a writer and plan to spend the rest of your life writing, that’s career suicide.

I could have just secretly done the work without telling anyone, then popped champagne and toasted with my publisher. Why did I have to tell the world? Why did I have to set such a high number?

When I was learning English as a teenager, I learned the word “masochist.” I was confused. Who derives pleasure from pain? That word made no sense.

Well, today I learned why that word exists: for someone like me! But no, I have no pleasure, just pain. I’m a painochist.

Thought 2:

Well, let’s look at this quote: “Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.” (I don’t know who wrote that quote, but definitely not an astronomer.)

I set out to do 10,000 copies, an impossible goal. My effort pushed me to 2,637. It’s already better than what Rejection Proof did when launching. And Rejection Proof is still selling after 11 years.

But in the end, this feels like rationalization more than anything. This feels like “well, you tried” after the United States lost to Belgium 1-4 in the World Cup.

So which one?

One of the lessons from Easy Discipline is the power of storytelling. Not telling other people stories, but telling ourselves. Every day, we encounter things: successes, failures, acceptances, rejections. They are just events.

But it’s the stories we tell ourselves afterward that really count.

So which one of these stories should I tell myself at this moment?

After eating my favorite meditation snack, kimchi with Coke Zero Sugar, I came to this conclusion: none of them. And stop thinking!

Speaking of the World Cup, a week ago, I watched a game I would never forget. Quarterfinals, Argentina vs Egypt. The heavy favorite Argentina was down 0-2. At the 75th minute, the game was as good as over.

As a long-time Argentina fan, I left the room and walked upstairs, bitterly disappointed that I would never see the GOAT (Greatest of All Time) Lionel Messi on the international stage again.

But just a couple of minutes later, I heard screaming downstairs. I rushed down and found out Argentina had just scored.

• At the 78th minute, Messi made an amazingly accurate cross into the box for his teammate to score a header, and thus the screaming. 1-2.

• At the 82nd minute, Messi made yet another great pass, and his teammate couldn’t finish. The rebound was passed back to him, and Messi said “fuck it, I’ll do it myself” (I’m sure in Spanish) and delivered a world-class volley to tie the game. 2-2.

• Then, at the 91st minute (stoppage time), his teammates finally helped him out by scoring a go-ahead goal. 3-2.

• Final: 3-2. Argentina escaped with a win after an all-time comeback.

At one of the darkest moments of his career, one guy didn’t quit: Messi, the 39-year-old GOAT.

He could have spent the last 10 minutes of the game on these stories:

• I had a great career. Let me reminisce on its highlights.

• Now it’s coming to a close. Let me contemplate its meaning.

• Here is what I will say to the world at my last post-game interview.

Instead, he chose this story:

• Let me turn into a beast and score the next goal. Then the next. Then the next.

Scoring he did. Victory he achieved.

That’s the power of storytelling.

We can all learn something from Messi. I certainly can.

My Story

So, here is the story I choose to tell myself: I still have 2 days before the launch, and 9 days before the end of the 100 days. I’m down big when there are 9 minutes left in the game. So, let me turn into a beast. Let me score the next goal. Let me sell the next copy.

I’ll reflect when it’s over.

I will reminisce when I’m dead.

I like that story.

Now, what story will you tell yourself today with your goals? Are you looking back at what could have been? Are you dreaming about what would be?

Don’t.

Just score your next goal.

And,

You can help me score mine by buying a copy below then getting on the wall.